i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
