I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
