Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
