thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
