and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
