i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
