sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
