I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
