exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
