I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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