the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
