he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
