he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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