I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
