my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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