and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
