He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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