dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
