Little spoons don't ask big questions
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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