watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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