i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
