Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
