Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize