nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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