I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize