It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
