I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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