So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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