Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
