I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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