I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
