dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
