hell yes lets make some ravioli
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The best revenge is premature balding
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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