my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
