I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
