Don't EVER smell your tampon
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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