you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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