and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
