no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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