Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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