i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
