Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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