So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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