now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
