I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
