how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
