think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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