In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
