so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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