You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
