If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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