i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Found the puke drawer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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