last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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