he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
