so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
