there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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