actually, I'm a sock model
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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