Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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