Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
