You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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