who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
