can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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