she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think I just sharted jello shots
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
