So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
