my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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