that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize