I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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