We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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