the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We are two peas in an std pod
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
