Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
